The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of destination, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that numerous of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urban areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay men desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your Recommended Site heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!