The Sexuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that many of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in city areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for his comment is here the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!