The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist web attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urbane locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!