The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love brings immense significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we click this are attracted to very tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are read strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of destination, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay guys want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!