The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love carries enormous meaning and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to useful reference produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These More Info chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, well-being, and nearness .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!