The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries immense meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .
However when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says browse this site that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay men desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either my explanation there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!