The Sex Temptation, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and wellness .
When problems arise, those who fall see it here into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in city locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!