The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. Resources While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!