The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with Discover More our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical discover this info here look, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay males desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!