The Sex Catch, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses check my source are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!