The Sensuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
However when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that many of his more tips here clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Lots of gay males want to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!