The Sensuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These browse around here chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in city areas, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!