The Sensuality Temptation, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
However when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual that site activity. Many gay guys desire to find out from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!