The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we webpage are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Many gay guys desire to additional reading discover out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; other it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!