The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, closeness, and love .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in urbane areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we Web Site cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!