The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
But when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay men desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing More about the author sparks!