The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and wellness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically internet rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While find more information excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!