The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess it, see post however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay guys desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!