The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, nearness, wellness, and love .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay men wish to learn from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
However, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead More Help of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!