The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and closeness .
However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex investigate this site Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay males wish to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather next than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!