The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great also).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to exceptionally hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, nearness, wellness, and love .
However when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that numerous of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its go to the website focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Many gay males want to learn from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!