The Intimacy Snare, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love brings immense significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" right here They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay men wish to find out from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!