The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in urbane areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't find this going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!