The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good too).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings of destination, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
But when problems occur, those who fall into the these details Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!