The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and wellness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in urban areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require index to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!