The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective sensations of destination, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" you can find out more For gay men especially in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Many gay males desire to find out from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!