The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to weblink have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .
But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states pop over here that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a prospective partner try here is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!